Giles Smith: Notebook
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to The Sunday Times
I don’t suppose anyone was surprised to see Cadbury’s Dairy Milk top the table of the nation’s favourite chocolate confectionery. A quiet, unglamorous workhorse among chocolate bars, Dairy Milk nevertheless sets standards of reliability and satisfaction by which all bars in this area must be judged and of which most can only dream.
No, the bolt from the blue was the performance of Curly Wurly, finishing ahead of Mars in second spot, with Galaxy trailing them both in fourth and with Flake way back in a disappointing seventh. This is the result that has sent a shockwave across Britain’s confectionery counters and blown the received order wide open.
No disrespect to the Curly Wurly, a determined presence on the shelves since the Seventies, but few were tipping it for major honours in 2007, let alone to poll bigger numbers than the mighty Mars and the dependable Snickers (fifth). Indeed, some experts wouldn’t even have backed it to see off the perfumed and faintly ridiculous Bounty (nowhere).
There has always been something of The Beano about the Curly Wurly. A bendy strip of what could pass for chocolate-coated chicken wire, only much chewier than that, it has been known to supply valuable assistance in the extraction of milk teeth and perfectly stable fillings. In the significant effort of separating the bar into edible portions, the coating tends to fall off the caramel, spraying chocolate shrapnel within a radius of anything up to 19ft. Accordingly, when did you last see a grown-up eating one in a public place?
Yet the Curly Wurly does stand boldly outside the two main trends in modern confectionery development. First, it has no truck with the tendency towards gratuitous supersizing, which rightly worries dieticians and games teachers alike. The king-size Mars is, let’s face it, like the Kit-Kat Chunky, not so much a snack as a chocolate cosh, and, given present rates of expansion, the finger of fudge will not outlast the decade, unless it remodels itself as a fist of fudge.
Secondly, Curly Wurly continues to offer caramel in stiffened, toffee form, rather than as the golden, near-liquid substance that seems to be the industry standard these days. Galaxy Caramel, Caramel Aero, Caramel Kit-Kat . . . few are the major bars that don’t now come in a version with caramel goo injected like cavity insulation into their outer wall, suggesting that the nation has, not only an ever sweeter tooth, but also an ever softer one. (Look out for increased caramel presence in biscuits, too, and even as a trimming for your coffee.)
In this context, the Curly Wurly’s strong poll showing is heartening, and reflects reassuringly on us all. Yes, this may be an increasingly caramelised Britain, ever more drawn to sickly substances that can be masticated with gums alone. But show us something requiring teeth and effort, and we’ll still admire it and vote for it fondly. Even if we might not actually eat it.
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I love Curley Wurleys, they are endlessly versatile for childrens birthday cakes as fences and ladders and rope bridges and with the added bonus of being given as the extra treat with a slice of cake to the noisiest child for a bit of peace. I'm not suprised that Curley Wurley came out near the top, I'm sure there is a legion of grateful mums out there who couldn't manage without them.
Roslyn, Huddersfield, England
Thank-you for bringing a smile to my face on this miserable morning.
A A, Banbury, UK
long resistant to supersizing, the daim bar is the less-is-more of count lines, made more appealing still by having its price printed on the wrapper.
the printed price was first set at 29p, a price at which i doubt it had ever before been sold, and causing a 16p price fall at the least scrupulous of local shops. then shops stopped stocking it - and the price suddenly rose 6p, but still printed on the wrapper, so still a thorn in the side of corner shop bandits. for this alone i would eat it. so where is daim/dime in the table of confectionery? and where is the table itself to be found?
stephen martin, London,