London is a fantastic city. No one would argue with that. But it is also an arrogant, pampered and bloated city that has had all the odds stacked in its favour for decades and, actually, should be much better than it is.

Ah, but this is the trouble, you see. Criticise London as a northerner and everyone has you down as a chippy clog-wearer who eats coal for breakfast and is blinded by envy. But answer me this: if London is such a fabulous place to live, why does everyone always look so miserable? If it is so cultured, why do adults seem to have only two topics of conversation: 1) the awfulness of its state schools, and 2) the size of their mortgages?

The idea that London would be better off without the rest of the country is deluded. Why do so many young people flock there? It’s not because they want to pay £300 a week to rent a tiny room in a shared flat, but because this country is so Londoncentric that they have no option if they want good jobs. London is a succubus, drawing the talent out of the provinces — but many people, once they have children, can’t wait to get out.

London needs to realise that if Britain were like other countries, such as Spain and Italy, where provincial cities are not patronised, it might fare less well.

And it had better watch its back. The provinces are getting cooler and richer, so that, culturally at least, London is becoming less relevant. I won’t even dwell on that fact that the North West has produced the best pop music for the past 20 years. Or that it leads the field in comedy talent. Or that, proportionately, the number of new millionaires is rising faster there than in London. Suffice to say that the landscape is changing.

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