STEVE Ballmer appears to have lost a little weight. Standing on the stage at New York’s Sheraton hotel his grey jacket and pants look baggy on him. With a fortune of $13.6 billion (€11.17 billion), you would think the Microsoft chief executive would buy a new one. But then, as he happily admits, fashion is not one of his strong suits.

In New York to promote a $500m push into business software, Ballmer was preparing to introduce fashion designer Tommy Hilfiger to the invited audience. Decked out in a red, white, and blue Hilfiger tie, Ballmer joked he was nervous about sharing the stage with Hilfiger. “I am generally not a fashionable guy,” he said.

He needn’t have worried. Hilfiger looked better than Ballmer, true, but his presentation was more wooden than Pinocchio. It was a relief when Ballmer took the stage again.

The meeting of press, clients and analysts was meant to give an insight into Microsoft’s future strategy. Anyone who follows Microsoft would already have been familiar with all the software that Ballmer discussed and demonstrated, including the Vista desktop operating system, Longhorn server, and Executive Office 2007. The chief executive’s intention was to do what he does best — start selling his stuff.

And he was here to introduce a new Microsoft catch phrase: “people-ready”. As slogans go, it’s got to be one of the lamest, ever. “Just do it,” it’s not. Yet there it was plastered across ads in America’s press: “Inside your company is a powerful resource. It’s your people.”

As he name-dropped huge clients — the US military, P&G — Ballmer stalked the stage, alternately putting his hands on his hips and making odd hand gestures that look like he is strangling an invisible enemy.

“People drive outcomes, people develop customer relationships, people drive innovations in processes and services, people build connections with business partners, and people improve operations,” said Ballmer. Golly.

Behind the lame presentation was some smart-looking technology: users will be able to pick up their e-mails via a normal phone, they’ll be read by one of those voices I always think of as Mrs Stephen Hawking.

They’ll be able to get into their diary and reschedule appointments, move a meeting and leave a message for colleagues all without touching a keyboard.

Co-workers will be able to work online together to share files and create presentations, with fancy graphics, and share those presentations with business partners working in other Microsoft programs.

The emphasis on collaboration is a departure from the way people have used Microsoft programs in the past.

Ballmer said Microsoft has spent $20 billion in research and development (R&D) over the past three years to make Thursday’s demo a reality.

The launch was aimed at IBM, said Ballmer. Microsoft likes to see IBM, the world’s second-largest software company, as its No 1 competitor. He didn’t mention the “G word” except in a passing swipe at a recently leaked Google memo.

All this stuff had been made with real people in mind. The programs are aimed at “Joe the financial analyst, Susie the order entry clerk,” said Ballmer.

For the first five years of the new millennium, software has been about cost-cutting, said Ballmer. Moving forward, it was going to be about making people more efficient.

What’s important to note, said Ballmer, is that the software is aimed at getting the most out of staff, not getting rid of them. Maybe it’s not such a sappy slogan after all.

This should have been a big deal for Microsoft, so the fact that it fell flat is worrying.

Customers now have access to web-based software that presents a real threat to Microsoft. Profits keep growing but Ballmer’s stock price has barely moved in years. Microsoft may be “people-ready” but are the people?

Dominic Rushe’s blog can be viewed at www.timesonline.co.uk/dollarsigns

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