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A feud between two neighbours in Düsseldorf, Germany became so daft that the judge had to vacate the bench in order to avoid breaking down in fits of giggles. Judge Brigitte Koppenhoefer normally presides over commercial cases worth millions of euros and is accustomed to dealing with them in a cool, dignified manner. She had listened impassively for a few minutes to how the embattled neighbours had sent each other filth-filled letters and engaged in egg fights. But there’s only so long that a judicial lower lip can be bitten to prevent laughter.

When the two litigants began referring to each other in court in very loud and serious tones as “donkey face" and “smelly bottom” the judge halted the proceedings, rose, and went out the judge’s door to give vent to her laughter in a private place. Following a short break she re-entered the court and dismissed the case.

Trials involving animated witnesses haven’t always been contained by conventional methods. In 1969, David Dellinger, a leading American anti-war campaigner, and seven others were put on trial in Chicago for political conspiracy. They had organised peace protests against the Vietnam war. After one of the defendants, Bobby Seale, made repeated interruptions to the trial, the judge ordered him to be bound and gagged in the courtroom. The following morning Seale was carried into the court on a chair with his limbs strapped to it and with a large gag covering most of his face. All he could do was writhe and groan. Quite how that was supposed to enhance justice was not made clear.

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Some judges, though, have vowed to deal with disruption in court by even more direct means. A court in Syracuse, New York heard a dispute about sustained illegal parking in a handicapped zone. The litigant had become outspoken and things got a bit unruly. The judge explained his ruling and then asked the litigant whether it was clear. The litigant said it was. The judge then opted to eliminate any possibility of doubt:

JUDGE: Otherwise, if you want to park in a handicapped spot, I will come over and break your leg for you so you so you can use it legally.

LITIGANT: Is that a threat, sir?

JUDGE: Next time you come in this court and make that kind of noise, you son-of-a-bitch, I will send you to jail, you got it?

LITIGANT: Yes.

JUDGE: Keep that mouth of yours shut or I will come in there myself and strangle you, you bastard. Get out of here.

So don’t think that all judges reach for an old Latin phrase to nail a point.

Professor Gary Slapper is Director of the Centre for Law at The Open University

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