My phone goes off in the middle of an important meeting with the Boss.

"What's that noise? " he barks.

"Mobile," I mumble.

"You haven't got time for personal phone calls!"

"No," I agree, looking at the enormous pile of statements in front of me.

"Well, then, kindly tell whoever it is to stop disturbing you. You can't afford to be distracted at this stage of the game."

Little does he know, the distraction is Guy, my new employment consultant.

"Hi Helen," he chirps. "Great news: one of those firms I put you forward for wants to interview you."

I don't recall giving him permission to put me forward to any firms.

"I'll check my diary and let you know." I snap the phone shut before he can respond.

The Boss regards me quizzically.

"Chiropodist," I reply.

When I call Guy back later, he tells me Frederick & Jones want to see me about a job in their commercial litigation team.

“I wouldn't work for them if my life depended on it."

"You wouldn't?"

"No, I told you that when we met."

"You did?"

"Yes."

"But they're a great firm. I'm sure you'd like them if you gave them a try. "

"I wouldn't."

"You have got to be more positive than that, Helen. Frederick & Jones is one of the best firms in the City. I'll book you in for Wednesday. Call me tomorrow, I'll talk you through who you'll be meeting and what the position is all about."

Then he's gone. The little twerp.

Unable to discuss this development with my usual confidantes, I call Chris, who is in the middle of doing some big IT deal.

"They've booked me in for an interview at Frederick & Jones," I wail.

"Most lawyers would be pleased about that," he says. "What have you got against them?"

"They spawned Miranda. don't want to work anywhere associated with her."

"From what you've told me, that would mean ruling out half of the City."

"That is true. Perhaps I should just give up altogether and do something else."

"Such as? I have a vacancy for a cleaner. And my garden could do with tidying up."

"I don't think you'd want me as your domestic help."

"No, you're right," he says. "I've seen the state of your flat."

Two days later, against my better judgment, I find myself sitting before two of the most influential litigators in the City being grilled about my career aspirations.

"So, Ms Bailey," sneers one. "Why, after six years of loyal service, do you want to leave CWS?"

The truth: my Boss is a scheming bully, my colleagues currently hate me because of the pro bono initiative and my pay rise was worse than pitiful.

My response: "I've reached a stage in my career when I feel it's time for a fresh challenge. CWS has been great but it's time to spread my legal wings."

"Indeed," he nods. "So what do you think Frederick & Jones can offer you?"

The chance to practice my creative interviewing skills, mainly, I think.

"An unrivalled reputation in the litigation arena not to mention the great opportunities that come with it," I say.

"But what has Frederick & Jones got that CWS hasn't?"

"A reputation for high-quality work and a client base that most other firms, including CWS, can only dream about." And the ability to count Miranda Myers as an ex-employee.

"Really?"

"Absolutely."

I'm getting the hang of this.

"And what do you think you can give to Frederick and Jones?"

Indolence, cynicism, indifference.

"Talent, hard work, enthusiasm and dedication. Not to mention my team-building abilities and the fact that I'm a dab hand at making the tea."

"Very useful," he smirks. "So, where do you see yourself in five years time?"

On a beach in Barbados. "Running my own team, looking after my clients and helping with the management of the firm."

"So what sets you apart from the other candidates we may have seen?"

Complete, all consuming, apathy. "Strength of mind and courage in my convictions."

"I see," he nods. "Well, I think that's all we need to ask. Do you have any questions for us?"

Did you believe a word of what I've just said? Do you always serve such terrible coffee? Is that your real hair?

Instead, I ask: "Why has the vacancy arisen?"

"Very simple," he chuckles. "We have so much work we need an extra pair of hands."

What an incredible lie.

“So what sort of career structure do you have in place for people like me?"

"We encourage all our assistants to proceed to associate level as quickly as possible," he beams.

So they can charge them out at higher rates. “And what sort of training do you provide?"

"All our fee-earners are encouraged to attend in-house seminars."

Encouraged being a code word for "forced". "So what is the next stage of the interview process?"

"If we decide to progress matters, we'll recall you for an interview with the senior partner." The senior partner — Miranda's old flame!

"Would you be available for that?"

"I wouldn't miss it for the world," I smile. And that's the first truthful response I've given all morning.

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