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Sexuality is everywhere. It permeates all communication in all contexts. People talking about their children, their wives, what’s going on in their social lives . . . And, in subtle ways, one is afforded respect and affirmation for those things. Not being a part of that affects you.

For me it led to a pattern of deliberately undermining my own chances. Every time I was pushed towards positions of greater prominence within the firm, I either said “no” outright, or suffered some kind of crisis of my own making, which prevented me from taking up the role. As a gay person who wasn’t “out”, I suppose I didn’t want to be exposed in any way.

Fortunately I was rescued by my colleagues. They just sort of said, “Well, we won’t worry about that for the time being”, then offered me the chance again further down the line. Without knowing what was going on inside my mind at the time, they helped me through the crises, and, in my early thirties, I was promoted to partner.

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However, I got to a point fairly soon afterwards where I realised that the only way I could move forward was to come out. Actually it was the only way I could have gone on. The first step was attending a support group called London Friend. A little bit further down the line I brought in a picture of a person with whom I’d formed a relationship — he has since become my civil partner — and put it on my desk at work. Quizzical looks followed, then big grins.

Having felt like I was rowing against the stream, all of a sudden my boat had turned around. And it had an outboard motor strapped on. Getting everything out in the open gave me this tremendous feeling of power and I immediately became a more effective professional. Not because everybody was suddenly able to talk to me about gay things and go to gay clubs with me, but because I was at ease with myself and more relaxed with colleagues and clients — which is incredibly important in a profession such as law, where being a good technical practitioner is perhaps only 20 per cent of the job.

I have no idea whether coming out at an earlier stage in my career would have affected my chances of being made a partner. I know of people in major law firms who were known to be gay and got through anyway, but I’d hesitate to offer any advice to gay associates on how they should handle the issue of their sexuality at work. I suppose one just has to look at the situation around them, talk to as many people as possible, and gradually work it out for oneself.

Working in the City, you hear quite a bit of homophobic banter. It’s usually pretty superficial, though. People can be stupid in so many ways — I say unthinking things that unintentionally cause hurt to others all the time — so, no, I absolutely don’t hold anything against a person who says something of that nature. I take the whole business of being excluded on an institutional level much more seriously.

That’s why the LGBT (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender) group is so important to me. There have certainly always been gay people at Clifford Chance: going back 25 years I remember an unmistakably gay partner who used to invite colleagues along to parties with himself and his boyfriend. But, until the establishment of the group, it had never been officially recognised. We now know that the firm accepts and respects us.

“We don’t have a problem with gay people, but why do you have to thrust it in our faces?” Alongside the positive feedback, there has also been some criticism. I accept that one of the defining characteristics of being a professional is having the ability to put personal considerations to one side and that an LGBT group may be going against that to an extent. But then lawyers are not machines, and being part of a group of 45 people who aren’t of majority sexuality gives one valuable recognition and support. I’ve never heard anyone complain about the Christian group.

I don’t actually have a desire to go around talking about these very private things. But issues concerning sexuality are important to me; being open about my own has been my salvation. And if homophobia is to be consigned to the same dark place as racism, the recent changes in attitudes in the commercial world need to be built upon and consolidated.

Stephen Shea is a partner in the tax department at Clifford Chance

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