* The Water Cooler was disappointed to have missed FSA Director of Enforcement Margaret Cole’s speech to the American Bar Association earlier this month. But a quick look on the FSA website (where her speeches are published) confirmed our suspicion that we didn’t miss much. For those of you who haven’t heard Ms Cole speak recently, here is a brief summary of what she usually says: 1. The FSA acknowledges that insider trading is a massive problem. 2. We really are serious about tackling it and are trying our best. 3. We even put two gentleman in prison once. 4. The problem is the perpetrators are very sneaky. 5. But don’t worry, we are getting more aggressive and will sort it out. The trouble is, we’ve heard this all before. And the FSA’s own statistics show the situation remains dire. The numbers — at the last count, almost a quarter of London takeovers may involve insider dealing — suggest that while Cole continues to clock up the airmiles on speaking tours, dishonest individuals continue to manipulate the markets at our expense.

* A curious judgment arrives from the Employment Appeals Tribunal, which recently had to decide whether ordering a Rastafarian employee to tidy up his hairstyle was discriminatory. The EAT decided it was not, and the Rastafarian lost his appeal. But not before the tribunal conducted a lengthy analysis on when “matted” hair should be considered messy, and when it should not. Among the erudite conclusions reached was this one: “It may be that all dreadlocked hair is matted, but it does not follow that all matted hair is dreadlocked.”

* Who said only law firms and solicitors care about awards? Devereux Chambers was among sets falling over themselves with delight after the recent Chambers and Partners’ Bar Awards 2007, scooping no fewer than three prizes: insurance silk of the year (Colin Edelman, QC), employment junior of the year (Nicholas Randall) and personal injury junior of the year (Robert Weir). Champagne was also overflowing at Wilberforce Chambers, which picked up Chancery set of the year and real estate silk of the year (Jonathan Seitler, QC), with plaudits for the set’s “slick operation and first-class members”. Not to be outdone, One Brick Court won defamation and privacy set of the year for the third year running and defamation and privacy silk of the year — Andrew Caldecott, QC, snatching the title back from Robert Rampton, QC. One or two well-known sets went away prizeless and somewhat miffed.

*The Jomati Foundation, a charitable offshoot of the legal consultancy founded by former Clifford Chance managing partner Tony Williams, has awarded bursaries to six LPC students at Nottingham Law School.

* Boston-based firm Nixon Peabody has chosen London for its first office outside the US. Six lawyers led by new UK managing partner Stavros Adamidis, who is transferring from New York, will focus on leveraged and project finance matters. Harry Trueheart, the firm chairman, said: “We recognize the importance of London as a world financial centre and have opened an office in response to our clients’ needs.”

* A Pennsylvania woman with a law-abiding neighbour is facing up to 90 days in jail and a $300 fine for swearing at her overflowing toilet. Dawn Herb doesn’t remember what she said, but admits to having fired a few cross words as her bathroom gradually filled with water. Her neighbour, an off-duty police officer, called the police after Ms Herb refused to keep her voice down. "It doesn't make any sense. I was in my house. It's not like I was outside or drunk," she told Pennsylvania’s The Times-Tribune. Mary Catherine Roper, a lawyer from the American Civil Liberties Union, has also spoken out against the proposed prosecution: "You can't prosecute somebody for swearing at a cop or a toilet," she said.

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