MY OLD friend Richard Branson has done a splendid job of persuading some of the more gullible parts of the media of his plans to take over one of our bigger cable companies.

With Richard, it is another day, another idea and another picture opportunity — did he ever manage to buy that oil refinery he was so keen on a couple of months back? I must put in a call. My contacts in the old Soviet Union might prove useful. Or has Richard perchance gone off the idea? I shall follow his progress with interest.

TUESDAY

Richard’s ambitious plans for his telephone company remind me of the work I did all those years ago on the flotation of a TV-on-demand cable business where I had the honour of serving as a non-executive.

Or was it telephones on demand? Videos? The actual technical details were always unclear to me and the company has, alas, long since fallen into desuetude, as is the nature of such ventures. But we had a high old couple of years digging up the highways and byways of the land, in some streets half a dozen times or more.

The business was sold to a gullible City by means of something called a discounted cashflow model. This worked out how many millions of people could conceivably take your service and the maximum amount of television they could possibly watch in a day.

You calculate from that just how much the future profits must be. It is amazing what the analysts at the time would believe, especially if their employer had an interest in the float. Such times!

WEDNESDAY

I am concerned at the Chancellor’s abrupt U-turn on self-invested personal pensions. I had not until now fully grasped the significance. Certain plans I and a few friends from the City have drawn up will have to go into abeyance.

We had put together a huge fund that would buy exotic jewellery, expensive holiday apartments, the occasional stately home and a fleet of executive jets. Plus any number of other luxuries of the sort that make life worth living for the truly wealthy.

These would provide the appropriate relief for higher taxpayers who had invested in the fund while being made available to the same on a time-share basis. The taxman pays for a private flight out and for the holiday itself. What could be fairer? It is hard to see how it could have failed.

I suppose it is back to the drawing board. We will have to find buyers for those jets. And for the stately home . . .

THURSDAY

So it has all fallen apart for Branson. Probably best out of it, Richard. The grief we had at that cable business from thousands of wretched customers complaining they could never access our service. They left the most abusive messages on our answerphone. Some people will never master new technology.

I am worried about my young proteges James Hipwell and Anil Bhoyrul, now facing jail sentences for their work as the City Slickers. I think I can say I did much to foster their careers as keen young financial journalists, pulling a few strings among my old chums at Trinity Mirror to bring them well-deserved advancement.

It was a mutually fruitful arrangement. Several of my little jobs featured on their pages. But one should perhaps be tactful here . . .

It is a sad day when wealth creators such as my two young friends can be dragged through the courts merely for attempting to build a bridge between quoted companies and the media. The press too often regard business with mistrust, rather than appreciating the benefits of a proper working relationship.

Had they mugged a pensioner or two with a brick, I reflect, they would probably only be facing a few hours of community service. I must do what I can to lessen their suffering. I am not without influence within HM Prison Service . . .

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