Hope springs eternal. The Conservatives don’t want a third runway at Heathrow, the Government’s advisers on climate change don’t want it, big business doesn’t want it ... In fact, about the only people who do are BAA, the owner of Heathrow, and whatever poor sap they manage to hire as “head of Government, Community and Business Relations”, aka chief cheerleader for this white elephant. Some “private and confidential” documents passed to me from Russell Reynolds, the headhunter, set out the qualifications for this new post that BAA has tried to fill. Stripped of all the usual verbiage about “strong track record of achievement”, etc, etc, you are required to schmooze “local authorities and community groups” while putting the case for the runway. “Needs to be resilient and able to withstand hostility and negativity” — yes, a skin like a rhino would be an advantage.

Plus, you get to report to Tom Kelly, BAA’s communications director, once a sort of Alastair Campbell-lite at No 10 and still remembered by the lobby corps for his tolerance, forbearance and good humour there. Or possibly not.

• Tim Clark, president of Emirates Airline, had some pointed words for at least one of his rivals when he spoke to the European Aviation Club the other day. “Those that cherish [their airline’s] value do not hang their dirty laundry out for all to see,” he said. “They do not wring their hands on a daily basis, talking down their business and talking up their woes. Negativity kills companies and there is stark evidence of this very approach seriously damaging once great airlines of the world.” Of whom could he be speaking? Has any other airline been telling us and its staff for months now that it is on the point of collapse?

• Mind you, my vow to absolute even-handedness requires me to point out the following, taken from the website of Bassa, the union for British Airways’ stewards and stewardesses. “Why join a union, and what will Bassa do for me?” Well, among the many advantages of joining this fine body, “we also look after our bases in Manchester, Glasgow, Birmingham” — which BA pulled out of a while back, I believe. And “Bassa attends regular meetings with Rod Eddington and the board of directors . . .” Eddington, of course, was himself some while back replaced as chief executive by Willie “we’re all doomed” Walsh.

Now, at the risk of needling the Tories ...

Interesting statistic of the week: there are more smackheads in Glasgow North East than there are Tory voters. I am indebted to the political website Stumbling and Mumbling for the calculation. There are, according to a study by the University of Glasgow, more than 13,000 “problem drug users” in the city using heroin or other hard drugs. There are seven constituencies, so, assuming Glasgow NE contains about a seventh of Glasgow’s population, there must be just short of 1,900 users there. The Tories polled 1,075 votes.

Separated at birth, joined at feast

In the blue corner: Nick Anstee and John Bercow

Our new Lord Mayor and the Speaker of the House of Commons were at the same table at the Lord Mayor’s Banquet last night. For those who may have had difficulty telling them apart. Nick Anstee, the new Lord Mayor, was the one in the robes with that large medallion around his neck. There is more potential confusion when Anstee visits Westminster for the Queen’s Speech and the state opening of Parliament tomorrow. He will not be in his robes of office, having made clear in this paper that he will wear them only “on high days and holidays”. John Bercow, too, has said that he will “dress down” and not wear the traditional court dress for the event.

There is one difference. The Speaker, it was revealed, had £45,000 spent on tarting up his new grace and favour flat. Anstee moves into Mansion House, which has not been refurbished for some years, despite the wear and tear of all those thousands of visitors.

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