Ah, if only the Americans had Britain’s competition regulators. That would cut the biggest economy of the world down to size. Consider, for example, what would have happened if the Office of Fair Trading (OFT) and the Competition Commission, or even the little old BBC Trust, operated in the US of A. If recent British precedents are anything to go by, a series of utterly bizarre decisions would have followed. Here is what might have been . . .

Would Google have been allowed to buy YouTube? Probably not. After all, such an acquisition would have brought together the two leading competitors in online video. And who knows what harm to consumers would flow from that? Instead of clicking videos for free on two popular websites, now the office slacker has only one to choose from. Clearly a loss of choice so serious that there would be a risk that YouTube would control our collective brains.

Then ask, would Apple have been able to launch both the iPod and iTunes all at once? The sheer outrage of linking a music store with a popular music player would — undoubtedly — have left the public fleeced. Once-expensive albums would not have been broken up into single songs, each available for purchase individually and more cheaply, for example. And Apple’s dominance of digital music could have been so great that the company stopped innovating — as has been seen by the rapid evolution of the iPod over the decade. Think of the potential for consumer harm with that.

OK, hang on. This is ridiculous. Surely no regulator would have blocked Google/YouTube or Apple’s iTunes/iPod gambit. But then consider what we can do in the UK first. Look at the OFT’s decision this week to refer ITV’s planned sale of Friends and Genes Reunited to Brightsolid to the Competition Commission. Both companies are in the online genealogy business. People enjoy watching Who Do You Think You Are? and then looking up their family trees. Merge Friends, with its Genes site, with Brightsolid, the home to 1911census.com and, well, you have one less player in the online genealogy market. There is a parallel with the YouTube takeover, which when it was bought was the online video market leader — while Google, the acquirer, was a rather distant No 2 in the same space with Google Video.

In fact, in Britain, neither Genes Reunited nor Brightsolid is the No 1 player in the genealogy market. They struggle on at Nos 2 and 3 in a market that is dominated by Ancestry.co.uk, which is estimated to have a 70 per cent share. But Ancestry.co.uk is American-owned, and so presumably does not count where British regulators are concerned. Never mind its market position — all that matters is that the OFT applies the competition textbook to a fast-moving industry, where, frankly, the potential for consumer harm is not massive.

Who knows where this nonsense decision will lead us. Regional newspaper groups were being told that regulators would look more kindly on mergers that have in the past seen forced sales to protect the poor citizens of Slough from the dominance by one publisher. Suddenly, it appears that any old transaction will get referred upwards, and perhaps be blocked.

So, what about Apple and iTunes, then? Getting all the world’s music on to one service seems analogous to trying to get all British television on to the same website. That was the not completely outrageous idea that the BBC, ITV and Channel 4 had with Project Kangaroo. While the three should have been quick to let other broadcasters join, the Competition Commission was nevertheless crazy to block the proposal out of hand this year. And, last month, even the BBC Trust had a go, blocking a simpler scheme that would have allowed people who use the BBC iPlayer to click through on links to watch ITV shows on ITV.com.

What nobody seems to have been bothered to ask is how it would have harmed the British viewer, getting all online telly in one place. It will happen anyway, because consumers love convenience, but the market will be dominated by YouTube. Already YouTube has signed up Channel 4’s archive; it would be a surprise if ITV and the BBC did not follow.

Oh, and do not forget that YouTube’s parent Google — American and so exempt from stupid regulation — is on track to take over half of all UK online advertising this year. If it was television, that kind of dominance would mean that Google’s prices were fixed, the number of ads it could show on the right hand column set and, indeed, the exact size of the column limited by Ofcom. ITV, a less dominant player in television advertising, has to endure similar rules on how many minutes of adverts an hour it must sell and a price cap that, in effect, forces it to cut the cost of a 30-second spot each year.

If there were ever a commercial argument to hold a tea party and become the 51st state, this surely is it. After all, not only is Southern California warmer, particularly in November, but President Obama is much cooler than, well, our own Prime Minister.

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