WANTED: one cactus to work for one rather odd fund manager. Bedlam Asset Management, the business that sets out to be different from the rest, is seeking a new non-executive director, following the retirement of Simon Nicholson, a City veteran.

“The most important attribute this person has is the ability to behave like a cactus,” managing director Jonathan Compton tells me. He wants someone “a bit bloody prickly” who will shake up a business that is now four years old.

“Any group of people who have worked together for any period of time learn how to play off each other,” he says.

Typically, Bedlam has drawn up a shortlist of nine but has no intention of speaking to them all. Instead, they will decide internally who the winner should be and then approach the successful candidate, who until then will presumably be blissfully ignorant of his or her candidacy.

SIR TERENCE CONRAN has called upon an old friend to advise him on the sale of 49 per cent of Conran Restaurants, announced yesterday. He is Nicholas Bull at ABN Amro Corporate Finance. This is the same Bull who, 25 years ago to the month, helped Conran to float Habitat while the former was at Morgan Grenfell.

Quote, unquote

NORWICH UNION is running a series of ads featuring quotes from satisfied customers. “After the accident they replaced my 11-month-old car with a brand new one.” Except that if you examine the (very) small print on the ads, it becomes clear that these are not real comments but merely “illustrate standard products”.

The insurer insists: “I think they are probably representative of satisfied customers.” (Love that “probably”.) “In terms of being word for word, they may not be.” I contact the Advertising Standards Authority for guidance. They are, obviously, against fictitious testimonials. If a complaint is received, the insurer will then have to substantiate the quotes.

Return of the Stud

JOHN STUDZINSKI has been on gardening leave since he quit HSBC, where he was co-head of investment banking, in May. But he is about to re-emerge. He starts his new job at Blackstone next month, at the same time speaking at a seminar on why British business is behind the Americans when it comes to charitable giving — with profits going to PestalozziWorld, a charity that helps to educate children from poor backgrounds. Studs is known for his work for homeless charities.

• This is the latest Llyods No 1 Bar, the chain owned by JD Wetherspoon, in Malia, Crete. Except it isn't, it's a clever clone, spotted by an employee. Several fake Wetherspoons have been found, but this is the first Lloyds. Most companies hire expensive lawyers to protect their rights, but John Hutson, chief exectutive, is strangely relaxed. ''These guys are making a living. They aren't doing us any harm. It may even be we're giving them a leg up. Good luck to them.''

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