LUCY GAO, wherever you are, call. No one is angry. We’re just all laughing at you. She is a young — oh, is she young — intern at Citigroup who has enlivened the dog days of August in the City.

Her stupid e-mail, detailing the plans for her 21st birthday party last Friday, is doing the rounds of City banks, with appropriately derisive comments. Lucy is something of a control freak, and her friends are instructed to arrived in groups at properly staggered 15-minute intervals to ensure sufficient face time with the princess.

They are given a strict script to adhere to on arrival. “When asked, how can I help you Sir/Madam, you reply, I am here for Lucy’s birthday party at the Rivoli Bar.” Dress smart — “the more upper-class you dress, the less likely you shall be denied entry”.

Any queries to her PA. This 21-year-old has a PA? Very Paris Hilton. I ring Citigroup to see whether Lucy is now an ex-intern. “She hasn’t done anything wrong. It’s just . . .” The spokeswoman tails off. How about being a silly, spoilt, stuck-up, overly rich ninny? “She has everyone’s sympathy.”

Lucy’s mobile, needless to say, is switched off.

A US firm — who else? — is offering ringtones that are quotations from the Bible. You can have a phone that, in the middle of a crowded carriage, intones “Thou art worthy” or “What a mighty God we serve”. Should clear that carriage a treat.

BA sandbagged

AMONG the businessmen losing their baggage at Heathrow was Gervase MacGregor. Various bags went missing, containing phones, a Blackberry, a computer, an iPod, car keys and a digital camera. MacGregor has written to Willie Walsh, the BA chief executive, detailing his experiences.

And boy, does he detail them. The letter runs to four tightly packed pages of encounters with various unhelpful and rude BA staff. At one stage he is taken to task for ringing the Terminal 1 baggage hall direct — I probably shouldn’t tell you this, but try 0208 562 7733 — and told that the only number that he may use is the 0845 one that no one answers.

BA says it is doing its best to find the bags. MacGregor’s is a forensic examination of recent woes at our airports, appropriately enough from the head of forensic services at BDO Stoy Hayward and the man investigating Rover for the DTI.

KYTE GROUP, the firm run by the derivatives market veteran Peter Green, has been fined a hefty £250,000 by the Financial Services Authority for accounting failures and putting client money at risk. It is a lot, given that no actual money was lost. (By comparison, Evolution got £500,000 for deliberate market abuse.) The FSA says the offences continued even after warnings to Kyte. Will you appeal, I ask Green? “We’re not going to. We just want to put it to bed and move on.”

city.diary@thetimes.co.uk

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