LOOKING back over the best bashes of 2008, it feels a little like observing some ancient Babylonian relics. As the country stood on the brink of recession, the parties were gloriously, end-of-the-century extravagant.

The year kicked off with The Feast of Albion held at London’s Guildhall. This was a giant organic dinner party attended by the Goldsmiths and a smattering of luvvies.

There I seized the opportunity to ask Withnail & I actor Richard E Grant what he thought of the whole financial crisis.

“I got 9% in O-level maths so that’s a subject I know nothing about. I’ve got no opinion on this. So now you’ve got your story: all actors are thick.”

Why so touchy?

Next it was to the Ark dinner — the annual hedgie bash in June — at the Old Royal Naval College in Greenwich where I steered clear of any actors.

Guests had paid up to £100,000 for a table and fears that the auction prices would lag previous years proved unfounded. Lots, from a Damien Hirst original to a clifftop shooting party in Yorkshire and a Fiat 500 customised by the artist Tracey Emin, brought in £25m.

Somehow, I don’t think the hedgies will be digging as deep next year.

The Gorbachev ball, held at Hampton Court Palace and hosted by Evgeny “don’t call me an oligarch” Lebedev, gets the prize for the most outrageously OTT extravaganza of 2008.

Chekhov plays were performed on the driveway to keep guests occupied as they were subjected to interminable security checks — this was a very Russian affair.

Borzoi dogs stalked the manicured lawns and soldiers dressed as the Nutcracker Prince waved people into the ground where revellers, predominantly Muscovites and more of the same luvvies, sipped champagne from antique glasses. There was even a pre-dinner performance by an Olympic ice skater.

Staying with the Russians, it was off to the Monaco Yacht Club for the christening of nickel tycoon Vladimir Potanin’s luxury superyacht Anastasia.

Friends of the Potanins, including Daniel Bouton, the chairman of Société Générale, Prince Albert of Monaco and a Russian Orthodox priest — who else would read the christening rites? — toasted Anastasia as the sun set and Ravel’s Bolero was performed on a floating stage.

I expect that this was my first and last boat christening for some time.

Sent crackers by a p'd off answer

A READER e-mails in to tell me about his below-par Christmas crackers from a company called Robin Reed, “manufacturers of the finest crackers”.

One of the trivia questions asked: “Which is the largest river in the USA?” and gave the answer: “Mississipi”.

My reader, who was holding the answer, challenged the assembled guests to spell the tricky name.

They banged out the rhyme M-iss-iss-ipp-i. They were right and Robin Reed, an American company, was wrong.

TRENDY nightclub Whisky Mist is throwing a pre-New Year’s Eve party on Tuesday at Les Caves in Courchevel. Everyone will be there: Chelsea boss Roman Abramovich, the few hedgies with a bean left and Guy Pelly — best mate of Princes Harry and William. The party will have a Scottish theme: bagpipe players and quaich cups. These are 2 ft tall solid-silver 18th century trophies that can hold a methuselah (an awful lot) of Dom Perignon. A quaich will cost you €7,000 (£6,750) but it does come with a handmade pair of Whisky Mist velvet slippers. Bargain, I say.

Winning tip for Sir Win

SIR WIN BISCHOFF, Citi chairman, is guest editing the Today programme one morning this week. Can I suggest that instead of the inevitable blithering about the markets with BBC business editor Robert Peston he plays some tunes. Mo’ Money Mo’ Problems by Notorious B.I.G. would explain how it got so bad and then How To Be A Millionaire by ABC — “I’ve seen the future, I can’t afford it” — would provide a suitable outlook.

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