A colleague of Irish extraction has been puzzling over the “no” result in the Lisbon Treaty vote. If the Irish are expected to vote again until they reach the decision required in Brussels, how does this differ from what is going on in Zimbabwe? Answer: it's the same, with fewer corpses.

But I notice that our Euromasters are not going to allow a few recalcitrant voters tio stop them. Largely unnoticed, Laszlo Kovacs, the European Commissioner for tax, said that they would proceed with the common consolidated corporate tax base (CCCTB) anyway.

This vaguely Soviet-sounding acronym would create a pan-EU method of calculating company taxes. It has, Brussels insists, nothing to do with eventual harmonisation of tax rates, a claim that, even by EU standards, would seem to stretch credulity. One of the main planks of the Irish “no” campaign was fear that they would be forced to ditch their advantageous corporate tax regime. And the CCCTB proposal was deliberately delayed until after the vote because it might confuse the voters. Which bit of the word “no” did you fail to understand, Brussels?

In search of meaning

I have for some days now been mulling the following, from a trading update from Deutsche Bank about its derivatives operation: “Performance in our equity derivatives business was negatively impacted by the increased correlation between equity markets, which led to a deterioration in the value of residual derivative positions arising from our activities in European retail structured products.” Now, I appreciate that derivatives is an esoteric business. But does anyone have any idea what it might mean?

—The backlash grows against that knighthood for Moir Lockhead, whose First Group is responsible for First Great Western. “I am currently on a Worst Great Western train from Swansea, which is already 37minutes late due to a variety of problems, again probably due to Notwork Rail, but it does seem the karma thing just won't go away,” e-mails a reader. “For God's sake get the palace to rescind his knighthood urgently so I have some hope of getting home during my lifetime.” I will certainly do my best.

—Long-suffering Bloomberg staffers in London are puzzling over an e-mail that is couched in terms more appropriate for a class of hyperactive nine-year-olds than for grown-up financial writers and which concerns new water bottles with which they have all been supplied. “These bottles are yours to look after and as stated in the original message, you will only get one,” it says. To ensure “your bottle does not go walkies and [you] are drinking out of your own one and no one elses [sic]” it might be an idea to mark them with your name. “There are permanent markers in the stationery cupboards you can use.” Now get out your pencil-cases and listen carefully to teacher ...

—When sorrows hit Sainsbury's, they come not single spies but in battalions. Not only is it slipping down the supermarket growth rankings, the online groceries website, which gets 800,000 orders a week, has been frozen because of “a technical issue”.

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