Advice to bank chief executives pondering rights issues:

1. Don't be first. This will ensure maximum coverage by the media and maximum unwelcome attention on your record, as Sir Fred Goodwin, of Royal Bank of Scotland, has found to his cost.

2. Don't be last. Analysts think there is probably enough money for everyone, but you don't want to be the one to test the thesis.

3. Don't sound desperate. It frightens the poor shareholders and, if you're not careful, the depositors. Portray the cash call as prudent housekeeping just in case credit conditions get much worse.

4. Emphasise that the money is needed to take advantage of growth opportunities thrown up by the credit crunch, not to patch up a knackered balance sheet. Cattles, with its £200 million capital-raising yesterday, was textbook.

5. Hint, off the record, that you're doing it mainly to indulge the jobsworth regulators.

6. Grovel. Shareholders do like to see a bit of humble pie consumed before they extract their chequebooks.

7. Don't grovel too much. You may find your own head is the price of the underwriting.

8. Do at least pay lip service to beefing up boardroom people and standards. More alert shareholders may want reassurance that they're not just throwing good money after bad. Be prepared to offer more radical reforms if shareholders give the raspberry to vague promises about hiring new non-executive directors.

9. Before pressing the button, check whether a sovereign wealth fund or Chinese bank can't be persuaded to come along and take up a quiet placing instead.

10. Don't ask for too much. Sir Fred has done the helpful thing by setting the bar at a gargantuan £12billion. If this isn't enough for you, your bank is almost certainly bust.

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