I can exclusively reveal that Tony Kelly, an accountant from High Wycombe, is the saddest man in Britain. Kelly, who runs his own firm, AG Kelly, has won the auction for a collection of almost every copy of Accountancy magazine dating back to 1984. Regular readers will recall that Ken Frost, a Croydon accountant, put them up for sale last month in order to free up much-needed space and placate his increasingly irate other half.

So what does Kelly, who bid £100, intend to do with the magazines? “I need them to support my mattress as it appears to be sagging a bit. I can then reach under my bed when I can’t sleep, pull out one of the magazines and that should solve the problem.”

An accountant with a sense of humour: whatever next?

Nick Faldo, arguably Britain’s finest golfer, must wonder what he has to do to get a knighthood. Surely three Open Championships and three Masters titles (not to mention a fine Ryder Cup record) are every bit as meritorious as the successes of such sporting knights and dames as Steve Redgrave, Matthew Pinsent and Kelly Holmes. I had occasion to interview Faldo recently while being driven around in a £270,000 Maybach car, and I was astonished to find that he had received no official recognition since being appointed MBE in 1988. It is time the Honours Committee did the honourable thing.

The decision by Slough Estates Group, the property firm, to concertina its name to Segro (pronounced “see-grow”) has elicited some derision. Ian Coull, chief executive, bats this away, insisting that the new name reflects the group’s evolution into “the leading provider of flexible business space in Europe”. Any journalist who deals with Coull will know the real reason for the change. He often starts conversations with the plea: “For God’s sake, don’t mention The Office .”

Darren Haines, at the Irish bookies Paddy Power, reckons I may have been hasty in betting against Scottish & Newcastle receiving a bid. He is offering odds of 2-1 on that S&N will receive a formal bid within 90 days and 6-4 against. The favourite to make a move is SABMiller at 2-1 on, followed by Carlsberg at 3-1, Heineken at 6-1 and Diageo at 10-1. “Looks like lunch could be on you, Dominic,” says Haines.

Permira rings for €1bn room service

I hear that Permira, the private equity firm, is among the early front-runners in the €1 billion auction of Jurys Inns, which has 14 hotels in Britain and six in Ireland. The auction, which was kicked off recently by Dublin’s Jurys Doyle Hotel Group, had been expected to be the preserve of Irish property investors, such as Derek Quinlan, the owner of Claridge’s, and Paddy Kelly, who controls the Prem hotel group. Permira, which also faces competition from its private equity rival Doughty Hanson, is said to be keen to establish Jurys Inn as a second brand alongside its Principal Hotels operation. It probably helps that Tony Troy, Principal’s boss, hails from the Emerald Isle.

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