Out and proud is a positive slogan, but it can be difficult for employees to decide if, when and how they should tell their colleagues and clients that they’re lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender (LGBT). Here’s some advice from others who’ve come out at work on how to do it:

1. Keep the door open.
If you were out at university it can be tough to go back in, says Robert Cole, the chairman of Kaleidoscope, BT’s LGBT network. “I would advise caution against going back into the closet after being out,” he says. “It’s very destructive. Once you start covering up... it will be incredibly stressful.”

2. Choose the right employer.
“When you join a gay-friendly organisation you will have more confidence that [it] will respond much better to you coming out,” says David Shields, the director of workplace programmes at Stonewall. Look for a company that’s proud to promote its diversity policies in public.

3. Start gently.
Coming out is an ongoing process, not a one-off statement. “I worked for a very small team and it soon became obvious to me that one of my colleagues would be very supportive, so I came out to her and subsequently to the rest of the team,” Cole says. “It was a bit like osmosis.”

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4. Be mindful of context.
Think about who you are talking to and when the conversation is happening. Part of this process is a risk assessment, says Liz Grant, a business development manager at IBM. “You think ‘what impact will this have on the relationship that I have with this person’,” she says.

5. Keep it natural.
“It’s easier just to slip it into the conversation,” Cole says. For example, if someone asks what you did at the weekend, you can say that you met your boyfriend’s family for lunch or that you sang with a lesbian choir.

6. Be prepared for apathy.
“Coming out is a huge step and you think it’s the biggest thing in the world, but the reality is that everyone else has a lot going on in their lives,” Grant says.

7. Be true to yourself.
Being your honest self is the start of authentic leadership. “There’s a feeling that if you are not telling people about such an important part of your life then people are going to twig at some point and they’re going to worry about what else you’re not telling them,” Cole says. There’s even a chance that not coming out may offend your peers: “It is potentially a judgment on other people that they are not supportive enough of diversity to support you.”

8. Be positive, not apologetic.
Be confident that people will value your difference and will see the added benefits that you can bring.

9. Know your rights.
But know that that’s not the whole picture. “The law says that you cannot be discriminated against on the basis of your sexual orientation,” Grant says. “But that’s only one thing. You need to understand your employer’s position. If you are experienceing bullying you don’t want to race to litigation.” Raise the issue with your manager or HR department and give them the chance to resolve it.

10. Network.
LGBT groups will give you access to others who’ve come out at your organisation. “You can ask other people the best way to do it,” Shields says. The group may also put you in contact with a mentor; this can develop into a valuable professional relationship well beyond questions of sexual orientation.

Find out more

Get an overview of potential employers with Stonewall’s book Starting Out: Lesbian and Gay Recruitment Guide 07/08. Copies have been sent to all university libraries and student unions; it’s also available directly from Stonewall at www.stonewall.org.uk

Get up to date on lesbian and gay employment rights at www.dti.gov.uk/ employment/discrimination/capacity-building/ page22324.html or find out what the Government is doing to combat discrimination related to sexual orientation at www.womenandequalityunit.gov.uk/lgbt/ orientation.htm

Nina Smith writes about her experience of coming out at work at blog.penelopetrunk. com/2007/10/08/gays-who-are-out-of-the-closet-at-work-have-stronger-careers

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