As part of my job I am expected to attend a lot of functions – drinks receptions and award dinners – especially at this time of year. I am expected to circulate and meet potential business contacts.

But, to be honest, sometimes I just can’t stand it. I don’t want to talk to a bunch of strangers. All I want to do is go home. Can you give me a few suggestions on feeling more comfortable networking at these events?

You are not alone – there are many people who have difficulty networking, particularly during the Christmas season. It seems to me, however, that you have potentially two different problems here. The first is a personality one: you feel uncomfortable socialising and networking. The second is about work-life balance.

Hone your listening skills

If you feel shy, you might consider the following: listen – be on “receive” not “transmit”.

There are many people who are natural introverts but who are expected in business to be extroverts – to be assertive, to “press the flesh” of all the important people at all the business-related social events. There is a fallacy here that extroverts are more effective in their dealings with potential clients because of their assertiveness and socially skilled networking. The reality is that most people like to talk about themselves and tend to respond well to people who take a genuine interest in them and are prepared to take the time to listen. In fact, they are likely to respond less well to the pushy, assertive person who is constantly on “transmit” and is the centre of attention.

Don’t “do the room”

Another trait of the networker is that they spend very little time with anybody they meet at these events, anxious to work the room. I think it is best to spend more time with fewer people, getting to know them as individuals rather than trying to talk to everyone in the room for 2½ minutes each.

Be yourself

People generally like someone whom they perceive to be transparent and honest, whether they are an introvert or not. As Marcus Aurelius, the Roman Emperor, once wrote: “Be content to seem what you really are.” He followed this with sound advice about being a nice and kind person: “Waste no time arguing about what a good man should be. Be one.”

Family first

If going to these events out of office hours is disrupting your family life, then let the people who invite you know that you will have to leave early. They will generally understand, because many of them are not spending enough time with their own families, either. Indeed, I have found that putting your family first will earn you respect. There may be times when you would like to take your spouse or partner to an event, because you know he or she will enjoy it, and it will be helpful for them to meet certain people or to understand your work better.

Say “No”

You can’t go to everything, so decide which events are important. This will help your work-life balance and may make you feel less uncomfortable about attending events you do go to.

Cary Cooper is Professor of Organisational Psychology and Health at Lancaster University Management School

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