Tim Teeman
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Hang on: is this a reality show or a haircare advert? Have you ever seen men with such overstyled barnets? Sir Alan Sugar may claim that The Apprentice is about business, but the beauty parade and combustible personalities of the contestants make a mockery of claiming a higher purpose for this ratings-winner. That recalls the hopeless vanity of the television soap operas which for years demanded to be called – if you don’t mind – “continuing dramas”.
The fourth season of The Apprentice returned with its customary, coloured-up, panoramic views of Canary Wharf and thunderous classical music, both of which are utterly misleading. For one, Sir Alan Sugar’s HQ is in Brentwood (here’s a challenge, BBC: we want swooping shots of Brentwood), and for another The Apprentice is really Big Brother clothed in the drag of “business”. Many business people must watch it askance - ineptitude and bullying almost always supersede teamwork and professionalism.
The Apprentice is about watching beautiful egomaniacs squabble, exhibit delicious hubris and eventually get skewered by Sir Alan in boardroom confrontations so tense that they are best watched with a cushion to clutch as the buck-passing and insults reach, with clock-ticking inevitability, that final growled: “You’re fired!”
If TV shows – and reality shows in particular – survive to their fourth season, they lose their way. Too many tricks. Not The Apprentice. It is masterfully conceived and tightly directed. At the outset we have the contestants’ grandiloquent claims: “The spoken word is my tool,” said Raef Bjayou, with a dangerous quiff and vowels so plummy he made Noël Coward seem a chav.
There was a cavalcade of impressive-sounding jobs. Sara Dhada is an “international car trader”; what is that? She has a short fuse and is already complaining about being interrupted. Lucinda Ledgerwood, in purple beret and well versed in Greek, seemed to be an extra from Midsomer Murders rather than a thrusting young executive.
“I’m quite happy to cut people out of my life if I think it will help me get success,” said the improbably named Michael Sophocles. Claire Young claimed, joltingly, to be like the aggressive family dog.
If, as many of the contestants claim, they are already almost running the world, or at least “sales teams of around 30 people”, then why do they want to become an apprentice of any kind?
For their first task, the teams – as in previous years, split initially along gender lines – had to sell fish at Chapel Market in Islington, North London. The swaggering claims of innate skill and superiority immediately crumbled: the fish were misnamed, mispriced and one particularly unfortunate animal had its head mercilessly bashed on a slab.
Sir Alan’s “eyes and ears”, Margaret Mountford and Nick Hewer, looked on despairingly. In a hideous scene the boys’ team was thoroughly worked over in a solicitor’s office – not the place to get a brilliant deal of any kind. Rather than the desired £130, the canny, and thoroughly patronising, legal eagles paid only £50 for the last of the boys’ fish.
Class war ensued. The northerner Alex Wotherspoon, who led the losing boys’
team, laboured tiresomely over individuals’ mistakes. This led to a posh
southern boys’ revolt, and when he took Bjayou and lawyer Nicholas de Lacy
Brown back into the boardroom for the confrontation with the Grumpy Garden
Gnome on High, de Lacy Brown, whose only failure to date was a B-grade GCSE,
whinged that he felt alienated because he liked art rather than football.
Yes, he liked football, Wotherspoon said – but also had a degree. Sir Alan,
not known for his love of educated people with posh accents, fired de Lacy
Brown who, for a lawyer, displayed remarkably scant oratorical prowess. It’s
early days, but the dangerous quiff might be the one to watch – or at least
snigger at.
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The Apprentice really makes great television and although I am beginning to see the similarities of Big Brother very subtly emerging, what can you expect from rating-hungry BBC producers other than this? Sir Alan Sugar is only interested in finding an apprentice, he has enough money.
Ewan, Kirkmichael, Ayrshire
I think the name of the show should be changed from The Apprentice to Rascism In Action.
A. Shah, London,
I liked the show till yet, but its showing more of the bullying and this series I have seen bit of racism against sara dhada,
Zohair, Plymouth,
I find the programme very disturbing as it shows that bully and ruling on weak is the tool to win the race.They should punish who tries to be cheat and bully other candidates.It would prove better example rather then showing people that it is accaptable for a person to be liar as long as job is done
Shree, North London,
Perhaps Sir Alan should consider for his next series of The Apprentice to look at 15 people that are unemployed, in receipt of Jobseekers etc. Often these people for no fault of their own have found themselves out of work due to redundancy and other reasons.
I am sure most, if not all, have more initiative, saffy and ability to succeed than the motley crew he's got at the moment. Not one of them seems to have any common sense at all.
Sir Alan bangs on about his humble beginnings perhaps he should look in that direction rather than candidates who are already earning in excess of 50-90 grand. God knows how some of them came about that kind of salary.
annamaria smart, Hampshire,
This programme is not meant to be a realistic depiction of how to get ahead in business. Such a programme would be far too frightening, dispiriting and plain nasty. Best to stick to this pantomime version, and avoid the lawsuits. Unfair dismissal, sexism, racism and work place bullying don't make for good tv.
Do they....?
Stephen, London, UK
I was laughing so ahrd by the time the boys started laying blame atthe end in front of Sugar!
I could not believe that they all actually were grown up an dhad actual jobs!
I cant wait to watch this week's episode myself as i hope the 'leader' of the boys gets the boot!
Mo Ajayi, Ballyclare, Northern Ireland
How do these people get a job in the first place??? They have no idea what goes on in the real world. Do you think they all survive on M&S ready meals? Everyone knows that lobster either bought in a shop or in a restaurant is the most expensive thing on the menu!
Brilliant , jaw dropping viewing and can't wait for Raef and the greasy Michael Sophocles to get their comeuppance!
We haven't seen the whinging girls in full throttle yet!! Can't wait for next weeks episode.
Carol Jelenska, Fulham, London
Usual bunch of egomaniacs...albeit better eyecandy this year! A highly entertaining program....Alan and his two chums are hilarious....every company should have a Margaret and Nick...Alex did well not to bop some of the boys on the nose....the one who was fired deserved it - he came across as immature and an academic who was out of his depth. On the basis of one program I am gunning for Alex ......
Mark Lewis, Manchester, UK
I question why anyone would want to leave a well-paid career to do such demeaning tasks. Something doesn't stack up, but it's good fun to watch and talk about.
The real winner is Sir Alan, who gets free publicity. The Apprentices never last, because they were never good in the first place. £100K p.a. is not bad to get free publicity on prime time television.
Garry Sukhija, London, UK
Goya or Cezenne ? No it was Nick !!!
Ian Payne, WALSALL,
And so it begins! Second out, round four. Judging from initial assessment of the characters involved in this years, The Apprentice it is going to hugely enjoyable. So many egos to puncture.
Stephen, St. Ives, England
Saying that ineptitude and bullying supersede teamwork and professionalism and claiming this is a trait of the show and not the real business is dilluded. Having worked for several different companies, one of which is a market leader I can confidently say that the former occurr much more often than the latter.
I agree that the show does not quite recreate a business environment but this is not possible due to the nature of the competition. There is no space for teamwork when egos and the determination to win are too uncontrollable.
Long live King Alan and his show, it is brilliant television.
Phil, leeds, UK
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